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Views and opinions: Grief, anger need separated in order to make good decisions

 

On April 20, 1980, two parents had to put their feelings and emotions aside and plan a funeral for their 19-year-old son who died in a car accident.

On April 13, 1999, two more parents had to put their feelings and emotions aside and try to save their screaming toddler whose father accidentally ran over him with a skid steer. One week later, on April 20, at least 26 parents had to push their feelings and emotions aside and meet with funeral directors to plan the funeral of 13 teenagers in Littleton, Colo.

Just recently, parents and relatives in Florida had to do the same thing as they buried 17 innocent people. Do you see a pattern here? Young deaths? Tragedies? Heartache?

Those are the obvious similarities, but so are the emotions that run hot and messy and surface every time we are faced with a tragic situation. It’s a natural reaction of a human with heart; that’s what we do. But sometimes we are called to push the emotion aside and make clear-headed decisions that we simply wish we never had to face.

When a death occurs, we are never prepared. It could be a 95-year-old great-grandma who lived a noble life, and we will still be sad at the empty place at the table. But when these events find their way to the doorstep of our hearts, it’s no easy task to clear our minds and make the hard decisions.

There are many in the dairy industry who are facing these hard choices today. Many are dreading a letter from their milk market informing them they will no longer need their milk. Many are wondering what is going to happen to their family farms that were built by three, four or five generations of hard-working family members.

And many, in their anger, are looking for someone to blame. I understand that completely.

But in the face of losing your milk market or selling your family farm, don’t lose the solid ground you’re standing on because of unchecked emotions and flaring tempers. There is a time to be sad and a time to be angry – feel it, but don't hang out there forever.

This is the time to stop holding your breath and start making tough choices with your business partners. This is a time when emotions are going to have to be set aside so clear heads can prevail over the future of your family.

Social media may not be a healthy place to spend your time. You may need to take a break from the negativity that can fuel your anger and instead, start moving forward toward choices that will take you away from the dead end that is staring you in the face.

I know one thing for sure: Until the soil of this earth is covering you up, you have choices. Those kids who died in Colorado, Florida and on Sharpe Road in my hometown don’t have any more options. You do.

I know it’s hard, your feelings are justified. But right now, you need clear-headed action. Now, limber up your wisdom and put that sound mind of yours to good use.

There is more life yet to live and your time on this Earth is not done yet. Your life may not look like you imagined it. It may turn out better than you could ever imagine. You were placed here now, at this moment in time, for such a time as this.

You have more livin’ to do!

 

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of Farm World. Readers with questions or comments for Melissa Hart may write to her in care of this publication.

3/15/2018