Jane, a 42-year-old farmer who works alongside her husband in Minnesota, emailed me this May to say she began consulting a counselor weekly to help her deal with marital stress and economic pressures in their farming operation.

Jane thanked me for a “Farm and Ranch Life” column last fall about how to conduct an online search and make phone calls to find a counselor. She located a young psychologist who had grown up on a farm, and who had attended agricultural behavioral health seminars before finishing her doctorate and obtaining a license to practice.

Jane worried about herself and about her husband, Dean. They operate a custom grain harvesting business, as well as their 2,200-acre farming business consisting of mostly rented land. Their only child, a 19-year-old son, is a college sophomore who “has no interest in farming,” she said.

While I changed their names and several details for confidentiality purposes, the substance of this report is accurate. Jane’s and Dean’s farming enterprise consists of cropping, with no livestock. They were profitable until last year, and they also won’t have a positive bottom line this year.

Jane manages the business recordkeeping, drives trucks and equipment and hauls supplies to the harvesters. They have two seasonal employees, both aging men.

Jane said their business had to absorb three incomplete payments for work they performed in 2017 because the customers couldn’t pay them fully. It became a bone of contention between Dean and her, she said, along with other matters.

When Jane contacted me, she felt like exiting their farming operation and marriage in order to go on with her own life. Yet she also worried that Dean wouldn’t survive divorce and might undertake suicide. He was sleeping poorly, she said. She could hardly bear to think about these matters.

In subsequent emails Jane revealed that Dean joined her for a counseling session in July, when she and her psychologist invited him. Since then, both partners have attended counseling sessions together.

Dean recently emailed me that attending joint counseling is one of the best decisions he ever made. Jane said he is sleeping better and she no longer wants to leave him.

Jane and Dean both said their counselor understands their situation and helps their business, as well as them personally. Privately, Jane told me that despite serious economic uncertainty about their operation, she and Dean talk about issues openly and without rancor now.

They are learning techniques to communicate usefully. The psychologist doesn’t tell them what choices to make; she helps them with skill-building so they can discuss tender issues without losing emotional control.

Jane said she has learned so much that she wants to become a professional counselor for farm people herself. “There are too many farmers,” she said, “who don’t know how to work things out without dissolving their marriage or their farming operation, and that doesn’t have to occur.”

How did these beneficial changes handling stress and making adjustments occur? Jane started the process by finding a counselor who understands farming, who listens well to both people, who doesn’t favor anyone in the discussions, who has practical suggestions for improving their communication and their farming operation and who is usually available when needed by phone, and can schedule a discussion on the phone or in person that fits with their schedules.

Jane and Dean know the end of the current farm economic depression isn’t yet within sight, but they also know the current farming turmoil won’t destroy their relationship or them personally. They are learning what they can and can’t control in their lives. They cope better with what might happen to them and their farming operation.

Although I met the couple only through emails and phone calls, I have observed that like many farm women, Jane would currently be considered “the second operator” in the USDA Census of Farming.

Jane hasn’t always felt like an equal partner in their farming operation, but she does now. Designation as first or second operator isn’t important; that they work together to sustain their operation and their relationship is important.

Farming is changing, and probably for the better in some ways, even though agriculture is going through an era of financial uncertainty. More farmers now recognize that optimal behavioral health is necessary for their well-being as agricultural producers who can survive the current tough times.

Equally gratifying is that a dozen young behavioral health professionals, as well as hundreds of farmers, have contacted me over the past two years to ask for personal assistance. These dedicated young professionals want to improve their skills helping farmers.

If you know competent professionals who work effectively with farmers, I would welcome hearing from you so I know to whom I can refer farmers who want assistance. Farmers – actually, all of us – need a directory of competent behavioral health care professionals.

Dr. Mike Rosmann is a psychologist and farmer in western Iowa. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of Farm World. Readers may contact him at mike@agbehavioralhealth.com