Many publications and websites periodically declare places and activities everyone should visit or undertake during their lifetime in order to feel fulfilled and to say, “I experienced almost everything that is important.”

As I reviewed one such recent list, I discovered that I had enjoyed about a fourth of the recommended places and activities, which included seeing Old Faithful Geyser erupt in Yellowstone National Park and visiting the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I also visited the Iowa State Fair about half of the years in my life, instead of the Texas State Fair that was recommended. Does that count? Sorry, Texans, no offense was intended.

The quiz led me to wonder: Am I better off having experienced these things? Even though the recommended places and activities are entertaining, are they important to leading a meaningful life?

Witnessing Old Faithful erupt is memorable for two of my half-dozen visits. My first visit was in the winter of 1969 when three friends and I rode in an ancient but still functional, enclosed and heated, snow track machine the Park Service used during the winter months, until just a few years ago.

Perhaps because we were the only people who visited the geyser that day, our driver allowed us to walk to within 50 feet of the geyser as it blew. We could feel the terrain below us shake.

Two brothers and I also visited Old Faithful on Halloween Day 1991 while undertaking a fishing trip to Yellowstone Park and nearby rivers when one of the earliest recorded cold snaps occurred. An Arctic front produced blizzards and ice that took down electric power lines in much of the Midwest and reduced the highest temperature during our trip to -17 degrees Fahrenheit.

We rented a cabin at Mack’s Inn near West Yellowstone but had to keep the water trickling in the taps to avoid frozen pipelines. Despite the cold, we hiked through thigh-high snow to the Henry’s Fork of the Snake River and captured many big trout and whitefish on our fly-fishing rods by keeping them in the fast-flowing and warmer water.

We chose to spend the last day of our trip and the final day of the visitor’s season in the park. No park employee manned the entrance, so we deposited our fee and plugged along the snow-drifted road in our rented Chevy Blazer to the fabled geyser.

Hardly had we arrived at Old Faithful when the geyser spurted weakly a few times, and then spouted full-force 150 feet into the cold air, discharging enormous plumes of steam and hot water. A bison and a bull elk sprang quickly from the warm surface where they were lying when spray descended on them.

We three men sidled to within a couple dozen feet of the orifice, with the wind to our backs. The partially lichen-covered flat rocks underfoot trembled. I felt highly exhilarated and spiritually moved.

Was this an awesome event that few people experience fun? Yes. Was it life-fulfilling? No.

Even though the experience stirred reverence and became cemented in the memories my brothers and I share, it happened “to us,” and not because of efforts we put forth to make our lives meaningful. The events that really move any of us in life-altering ways are usually more complex, subtle and often are not apparent to others when we experience them.

The experiences that shape us the most occur when we struggle to make sense of what we are doing. When we experience losses of our most loved ones, our health, our careers, our reputations and other events with outcomes we didn’t want, these matters have the most meaning for us.

The events can be as simple as saying “I’m sorry” at a time when we can hardly bear to utter the words and to mean the thoughts. The events can be as complicated as learning illness will soon end our lives or the lives of people we dearly love.

They may entail losses of livelihoods, jobs and court cases, and tragedies of many sorts. These events often shake us to our cores – and they should, so that we improve how we lead our life journeys.

The events that shake us to our core aren’t always negative; they can be positive, like securing a job we wanted or a finding a life-long partner. These events happen to us for reasons we must discern; their discernment is what leads us to feel useful and fulfilled.

The journey shapes us more than the outcome. We acquire life-long knowledge about how to handle challenges so that we improve, rather than become defeated by, challenges.

Farmers are going through tough times, but these difficulties can make us better people if we discern their meaning for us. This Thanksgiving, please be grateful for having challenges that are opportunities to make ourselves better people.

Dr. Mike Rosmann is a psychologist and farmer in western Iowa. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of Farm World. Readers may contact him at mike@agbehavioralhealth.com