Here we go again. Why are all of these people running for president?

Ron Paul, James Gilmore, Sam Brownback, Duncan Hunter, Tommy Thompson, Tom Tancredo; give me a break. These guys have about as much chance as Pat Paulsen. (Is he still running?)

How about Newt Gingrich? There’s a rumor he might jump into the race. I can’t feature Newt jumping anywhere, anymore.

That’s just the Republicans. The Democrats have a long list of hopefuls as well. These so-called candidates must know they don’t have a chance. Why would they run?

The Republicans have had two presidential debates already and plan several more. Why would they bother? If these folks can’t tell us what they think in two tries, maybe they should give up.

I’m reminded of two fellows who wanted to sing their opinion at a public hearing several years ago. Many in the audience thought singing an opinion would be disrespectful of the hearing process.

I thought, “Let ‘em sing. We already know their opinion. They could hum it if they want to.”

This campaign reminds me of the presidential race of 1992. That’s when Pat Buchanan ran against Ross Perot and the other George Bush. That was a fun campaign.

At least Buchanan and Perot were entertaining to listen to. Who can forget Perot’s pie charts and his description of a $500 hammer?

Those were the days when presidential candidates had to prove their physical strength. Readers will remember Bush went jogging, Democrat Paul Tsongas swam the length of a swimming pool and Ross Perot said, “Sure, I’ll exercise with you fellas. Somebody saddle up my horse.”

What does swimming and jogging have to do with being president, unless you are going to travel the country by boat?

Poor old Pat Buchanan got caught up in the whole thing and agreed to run a mile or so for the television cameras. They showed him on the evening news, red in the face and wheezing like he just ran the Boston Marathon. I thought he was going to kill himself.

That should be a lesson for politicians everywhere: Forget about the physical strength. I don’t want to see John McCain jogging up and down the road.

Most of these candidates are headed for Iowa to campaign for the straw polls this summer. I hope somebody there can get some work out of them. Maybe they can plow a few rounds with their mules like Al Gore used to do.

I know these campaigns are part of the democratic process, but they’re such a waste of time and money. Why can’t we just appoint someone who missed the meeting – like the Grange used to do?

Readers with questions or comments for Roger Pond may write to him in care of this publication.

This farm news was published in the June 2, 2007 issue of Farm World, serving Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Kentucky, Michigan and Tennessee.