Recently, scientists discovered 20 new species of salamanders and a new species of elephants.

Did they find them in Africa or the Brazilian rainforest? No, actually, they were manmade. With the salamanders they took one species and, as if by magic, turned it into 20 new species. In the case of the elephants they simply added a new trunk to the African elephant’s family tree.

We’re always told about species going extinct, but did you know that at least 25,000 new species are named every year? This is not an act of Mother Nature, but of human nature.

Environmentalists are busy upgrading subspecies into full-fledged species so they’ll have more habitat to protect. It’s called taxonomic inflation. Some scientists predict that at the present rate, someday we’ll have 100 million species on Earth, as opposed to the 10 million we have now.

Wow – the folks who own private property must be doing a heck of a job in creating and preserving habitat.

I bet you’re wondering what an animal, bacteria or plant has to do to become a species. Here are the criteria used to determine if something is a separate species:

Location. Put a Preble’s Jumping Meadow Mouse in Colorado and the Sierra Club wants to lock up the entire state. Put that same mouse in a cupboard in a New York City penthouse and that same Sierra Clubber would use any means necessary, including explosives, to wipe the species off the face of the earth.

The Cuddly Factor. There has been an explosion of new species in what is called “charismatic megafauna” – huggable animals. Rarely will you see Hollywood movie stars holding fundraisers for new species of barnacles or sea anemones that dwell only in the carcasses of dead whales. Don’t they deserve our love too?

Looks. It’s no coincidence that there are twice as many species  of monkeys, apes and other primates today as there were in the 1980s. We seem to have a special interest in saving animals that bear a striking resemblance to members of our family.

Land Desirability. For some reason, new species seem to be appearing at an alarming rate on land the Nature Conservancy covets. They’d try to name a crossbred #2 Mexican steer as a separate species if it meant they could steal your land.

Is It Edible? Have you ever noticed things that wealthy supporters of green groups eat, like snails and sushi, never get protected with endangered species status? Like my grandpa said, “Never name something you’re going to eat.”

Representation. A subspecies has a much better chance of becoming a full-fledged species if it has a good public relations firm and lawyers behind it. Just look at the success of grey wolves and bears: Even if they kill somebody, their people are always there to stand up and defend their endangered species status.

Politics. For some unexplained scientific reason, more species seem to be discovered during Democratic administrations than Republican ones.

Is It A Pest? In the Bahamas, the greenies were protective of their endangered species of raccoons. But, when the animals started turning over their trash cans and digging up yards, presto! They discovered the raccoons were actually part of the northern raccoon tribe and “downsized” them through “aggressive abatement.”

Sexual Compatibility. If wolf hybrids can become a species, doesn’t a Dachshund who somehow breeds with a Saint Bernard deserve special species status, too?

Profitability. According to the Wall Street Journal the Wilderness Conservation Society auctioned off the right to name a new monkey species in Bolivia. After a Montreal casino handed over $650,000 for naming rights, the monkey’s scientific name became Goldenpalace.com. If this trend continues, look for scientists to discover millions of new species of highly profitable rocks.

Readers with questions or comments for Lee Pitts may write to him in care of this publication.