Background Scripture: Genesis 24

Devotional Reading: Psalms 100

Some years ago, my wife, Valere, and I were commissioned by our local church to write and conduct an intensive weekend experience for prospective brides and grooms. We named it “Fit To Be Tied” and affirmed that our purpose was not to decide if they were “fit to be tied,” but to help them face the hard questions that should be answered before, not after, the wedding.

Over the years that we conducted it, there were at least two couples who decided for themselves not to proceed with their marriages, and we did not consider these to be failures.

Many years ago, I met with a couple who planned to be married in a few short weeks. They came not for premarital counseling so much as wedding planning. It soon became evident that their marriage would be in trouble before it was solemnized in our church. I suggested they postpone the wedding until they had worked out their problems.

“Oh, we couldn’t do that,” said the prospective bride. “Our families have sent out the invitations, booked the reception at the country club and he,” pointing to her fiancé, a member of the U.S. armed forces, “has arranged for his leave. Everything is arranged.”

I tried to persuade them otherwise, but they went ahead with the wedding. I prayed that my forebodings – and theirs – would not be fulfilled. They moved away from the area and I have no idea how their marriage worked out.

An arranged marriage

The story of Isaac and Rebekah may seem irrelevant for us because, like many of the Biblical marriages, theirs was arranged. In fact, it was not only arranged by Abraham through his servant Eliezer, but it becomes apparent to him that God has already selected Isaac’s bride and his task is but to find that one woman whom God has chosen.

Actually, arranged marriage is not as ancient as it may seem. It was prevalent in Western society up into the 20th century and there are large parts of the world even today where it is the rule, rather than the exception.

To us, that kind of process seems quite unacceptable. Today, our society holds that the man and woman alone determine if they are suitable for marriage.

While it is true that personal choice is far preferable to arrangement by one’s parents (or anyone else), it is evident from divorce statistics that marriage based on personal decision is hardly working as well as it should be. Instead of letting our parents choose the “wrong” mate for us, we are now mostly responsible for making our own mistakes.

In “Fit To Be Tied,” we attempted to impress on couples that, although weddings do need careful and financially-responsible planning, their concern and effort needed to be with the marriage that follows the wedding. We have probably all known of extravagant weddings that were followed by severely flawed marriages and sometimes divorce. We also probably can recall good marriages that were preceded by inexpensive and unspectacular weddings.

The chief guest

Although Isaac and Rebekah’s arranged marriage may seem strange to us, there is an underlying principle in this story that is very relevant: Regardless of how our spouse is chosen, it is important that God be present in that choice.

Abraham believed God was the instigator of the search for Isaac’s bride (24:1-7). Eliezer is also conscious of God’s will as he seeks to carry out Abraham’s command (24:12-21,26,27, 34,35,42-44, 48). Even Rebekah and her uncle Laban are conscious of and responsive to God’s role.

Romantic attraction and the God-given sexual impulse may be important in drawing couples together, but by themselves they are not adequate for building an enduring and fruitful marriage. When Britain’s then-Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip appeared before the Archbishop of Canterbury for marriage, he told them, “The ever-living Christ is here to bless you. The nearer you keep to him, the nearer you will be to one another.”

Christ needs to be invited as the Chief Guest at every Christian wedding. For as William Shakespeare says in Henry V, “God, the best maker of all marriages, Combine your hearts in one.” It is then that we are fit to be tied.

This farm news was published in the Sept. 26, 2007 issue of Farm World, serving Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Kentucky, Michigan and Tennessee.