<b>By ANN HINCH<br>
Assistant Editor</b></p><p>

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Sara Wyant once interviewed a farm wife who had never discussed estate planning with her husband because, she explained, every time she broached the topic, he became upset that she apparently was waiting for him “to keel over.”
He was 83 at the time.<br>
“It gets to be kind of tense sometimes,” Wyant admitted, explaining she can negotiate business deals but when it comes to talking business with her family, she’s wishy-washy. “But you have to do it.”<br>
For the benefit of husbands who might be reluctant to discuss what will happen to the farm in the event of their death, she related the experience of an interviewee who told Wyant that she worried so much over what could happen she would wake up in the middle of the night, heart pounding.<br>
“Gentlemen, do you really want your wife to feel this way?” Wyant asked. “Do you want them not able to sleep at night?”<br>
It isn’t just spouses that can be touchy. Extended family – such as in-laws – can also present problems. One woman told Wyant she and her husband worked for years toward buying his parents’ farm someday; yet, when he died, she found out he’d never gotten anything from his parents in writing to reflect this, and they didn’t intend to sell to her.<br>
“My grandpa thought he ‘knew’ that his kids could figure this out” when he died, Wyant said, explaining instead, trying to divide his estate put his heirs asunder.<br>
“It really helps to make sure that you have everything in writing.”
Besides, putting financial goals in writing forces the issue of planning and may remove some of the emotion from it. If someone in a family is overbearing and demands “my way or the highway,” having a written goal ready to show why “my way” might not work the best may change that person’s mind.<br>
Finally, Wyant said persistence is the best way to get a stubborn spouse – whether 83 or 33 – to face facts. “Just keep saying, ‘You’ve got to deal with it,’” she advised.