If farm people think the holiday season is a good time to resolve intrafamily conflicts about farm estate matters, they probably are wrong.  According to professional farm mediators, family get-togethers over the holidays generate more guardedness and stress among the disputants than warm feelings and healthy interactions.  

The first few months of the new year offer a better opportunity to resolve family disputes about farming.  Deadlines for rental payments and federal taxes that occur for farmers on March 1, and the impending planting season, often prompt settlement of family farm disputes and other tense issues.  

Some of the most bitter quarrels among beneficiaries involved in the farm estate occur between male siblings, but the distressing relationships can be with any siblings.  Entangled relationships involving more than two siblings further complicate the resolution process.

Unresolved competition and anger often foment among siblings wanting to take over the family farm.  Common themes include: accusations of favoritism by one or both parents, “who worked harder,” and “who is more deserving of the family farm.”  

What can be done to resolve disputes among family members who compete for the opportunity to take over the family farm?

A first step toward resolution of intense competition among siblings who want the farm is to understand that each person has an inherited drive to acquire the assets needed to farm, called the agrarian imperative.  Learning how to manage their passion to farm is necessary for dispute resolution.

A second step for the aggrieved parties to understand is that growing up with siblings affects how future relationships ensue.  Problems among siblings that occurred during childhood are likely to recur during adulthood; putting jealousy aside occurs less frequently.   

Hurt feelings and taking sides often carry over to their spouses, business partners, and children.  Angry competitors who figure out how to resolve bitter disputes feel better themselves, and so do their families and friends.  

A third step toward healthy resolution of contentious issues is for all the involved persons to participate in structured family business meetings.  Everyone must agree to respect a meeting chairperson whom the majority agrees will conduct the proceedings impartially and fairly; all must adhere to rules for decorum.  

Guidelines for conducting farm business meetings are available from county Extension offices and online.

The chairperson should ask or appoint someone to record the minutes as objectively as possible, which are distributed in writing well before the next business meeting and after the chairperson and the recorder determine the minutes are accurate.

The chairperson should stop the discussion temporarily when someone interrupts redundantly, uses foul language, or is disrespectful.  The misbehaving person may be asked to leave the room to cool off and to come back when ready to carry on civil discourse.  

Persons who boycott meetings regularly and purposefully lose their bargaining rights, and may have to resort to mandatory mediation or court proceedings. 

Everyone should have an opportunity to speak or to decline.  As contentious topics are discussed, the chairperson should make sure only one issue is considered at a time, and resolved, before moving on to the next topic.  

Topics can be revisited when the chairperson or a majority of the attendees deem necessary.  No one should be allowed to bring outsiders with them, such as an attorney.  Future family meetings should be scheduled at the end of each meeting.

A fourth step toward resolving farming disputes is for disputants to be ready to separate farming operations, which may mean not sharing farm equipment or working together, changing social affiliations, and community organization memberships, including their churches.  Minimizing interactions outside of the family get-togethers can cool off the competitors.

Noncompetition also entails not talking about personal accomplishments that may trigger resentment, or seem like one-upmanship by the other disputants.  Future family get-togethers become opportunities to practice amicable, and nonjudgmental conversations.  

Fifth, 43 states have certified farm mediation specialists who can help farm and ranch families resolve disputes.  The list can be found by conducting an online search.  The cost is reasonable, mostly because federal, and sometimes state monies, help underwrite the services.  Farming residents in the few other states can contact their state Extension Service for advice.

Sixth, angry and hurt family members sometimes refuse all forms of resolution of disputes, short of judicial settlement in court.  Usually, court-directed settlements result in permanent disagreements, the breakdown of the relationships among the angry parties, and costly attorney fees.  

However, court-directed settlements do not have to result in permanent disruption of family relations.  I know of two siblings who laid aside their grievances a few years after court proceedings so that both families could resume friendship.

Dr. Rosmann is a psychologist/farmer.  His email address is: mike@agbehavioralhealth.com.